Not enough to write one article about, too much to just keep quiet… this is what I affectionately refer to as: Brain Vomit. On with the recent random thoughts…

Saw “The Dark Knight” on its opening weekend, and it has caused me to rethink my favorite superhero movies. It wasn’t quite enough to move Iron Man from the top spot, but boy, was it close. My revised list of the top 10 superhero movies is as follows:

1. Iron Man
2. Spider-Man 2
3. The Dark Knight
4. Spider-Man
5. Spider-Man 3
6. The Incredible Hulk
7. Superman II
8. Batman (Tim Burton Original)
9. X-Men
10. X-Men III

Aside from being a great movie with everything you could ask for (except possibly a little comedic relief [why Iron Man and Spider-Man 2 are still atop the list], and a female lead that is attractive enough for Bruce Wayne to be believably attracted to), it provided moviegoers with quite possibly the greatest movie villain of all time. Heath Ledger will get a ton of posthumous attention for this role because of untimely death, but it should be because he created a character with memorably terrifying looks and deranged dialogue. The Joker was completely devoid of any reason or motives for his crimes, yet had just enough human nature in him to chill you to the bone, thinking this could happen in real life. This also caused me to rethink the top movie villains of all time.

1. James Earl Jones as Darth Vader, Star Wars
2. Heath Ledger as The Joker, “The Dark Knight”
3. Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter, “Silence of the Lambs”
4. Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance, “The Shining”
5. Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates, “Psycho”

Yeah, Darth Vader, then Heath’s Joker. That’s how good it was. Runners-up include Arnold’s Terminator and Jaws.

Josh Hamilton recently reached 100 RBIs in 99 games, making him the best fantasy sleeper in the history of internet-assisted fantasy baseball. Sure, there have been a plethora of 9th and 10th round superstars, but have any produced at the consistent, sky-high level that Hamilton has this season? Most sleepers have great half-seasons, or take over a starting job at some point during the season, but what this recovering drug and alcohol addict is doing all summer long is simply unprecedented. And the reason I’m praising him with such joy? I drafted him in nearly every league I participated in this year.

Speaking of fantasy sports, due to the paper-thin depth at shortstop, I recently picked up Nomar Garciaparra in a deeper league. I was honestly very happy to see this guy as relevant again. Since the wildly enjoyable “Nomah’s Bettah!” chants of the early 2000’s, we’ve had only Orlando Cabrera, Edgar Renteria and Julio Lugo to pretend we’d rather have than Derek Jeter. Then, not a week after he contributed to a solid head-to-head win for me, he injured his knee during a game and hasn’t played since. This guy simply can’t catch a break. What a injury-ruined waste of pure hitting talent.

“Manny being Manny” has become “Manny being a Maniac” and the Red Sox should not exercise his option. $20 million for a 37-year-old 85, 25, 95, .290 hitter is approximately 5-7 million dollars too much. On the other hand, the Sox have pieces to trade, and Matt Holliday would look great in a Sox uniform patrolling left field for the next 5-6 years. Can anyone argue gainst a triple-crown threat hitting behind or in front of David Ortiz for the next few years? I thought not…

While we’re talking trades, Mark Teixeira needs to be removed from the Red Sox’s “To Trade For” list immediately. Besides being a frustratingly streaky hitter, he is not as good a fielder as Kevin Youkilis, and would force him to move to the outfield if acquired. Playing a position he’s not comfortable with weakens the outfield defense, and the infield defense by simply by his absence. And, also, um, has anyone he is a Scott Boras client and asking for approximately 78 billion dollars more than his performance merits? I’ve gotta hire this guy to get me a raise at my electrical sales job.

Fresh off being swept by L.A., then sweeping Seattle, the Red Sox came within a stellar Jon Lester outing of being swept by the hated Yankees in their own backyard. These are not the trends of a championship-caliber team. David Ortiz is a huge X-factor here, however. He adds a tremendous amount of run production, lineup protection (to batters before and after him), and improves team chemistry by 89.7% when he’s healthy and producing. Doubt that number? Look it up, it’s been proven. But, if Big Papi can’t return to “Don’t pitch to me under any circumstances” form soon, it may be the key subject in the 2008 Boston Red Sox obituary.

That seems to be all I can yell about for the moment. Thanks for joining me this, check back again later this week for the top ten fantasy football players to reach for, and top ten to avoid in 2008. Reporting live from Cape Cod, Massachusetts, I’m Bobby Price.

First and foremost, I want to apologize for the incomplete version of Part II that was on the site for the past couple of days, I was trying to give someone a privileged preview and ended up putting it right on the website. Shows what I know about computers. Now, without further blabber…

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys (13-3) 13-3

In the toughest division in the NFC, the clear favorite has to be the 2006 Cincinnati Bengals. Oh, whoops. That keeps happening. I mean, of course, the Dallas Cowboys. With Adam “Pacman” Jones joining a squad that already includes Terrell Owens and Tank Johnson, the Cowboys are a Chris Henry or Maurice Clarett free-agent signing away from the new stadium being named Mt. Carmel in the second coming of the Waco, Texas standoff. Honestly, if Adam Jones rolled a tank into Texas Stadium while Tank & T.O. described the “Seven Seals” while reading scripture, would anyone really be surprised at this point? Is David Koresh available to sign as a third-string quarterback? Next question.

2. Philadelphia Eagles (8-8) 11-5

Anyone wanting to make a wager on how many computer screens Brian Westbrook has smashed after seeing the pre-season fantasy rankings and never being in the top five, please email them to me. What does this guy have to do? In PPR leagues (leagues that reward one point per reception), he has for years averaged more points than other higher ranked players combined. A healthy Donovan McNabb (and reports indicate he is) can be the difference between second place in the toughest NFC division, and another early trip home this winter. Feel free to trash this prediction when Donovan is sidelined for 4-6 weeks during training camp with fingernail contusions, eyelid lacerations or elephantiasis of the ear lobes.

3. Washington Redskins (9-7) 8-8

I’m sorry Redskin fans, I really am. I want to believe in this team, but I’m having so much trouble. Until he proves it to me otherwise, I’m now on the verge of being convinced that Jason Campbell does not have what’s required to take this decent team any further than Wild Card Weekend. Either that, or he still hasn’t been introduced to Santana Moss. For Moss not to have 1,000 yards and 10 touchdowns every year is inexcusable. A guy who is capable of such unbelievable performances simply can’t perform so inconsistently, as he is now. This problem must be fixed, and fast, or the ‘Skins don’t have a snowball’s chance in Death Valley on the 4th of July.

In addition, I feel I need to be rewarded for thinking for the last two seasons that I am a fantasy football guru for grabbing Santana Moss in the same round that the obligatory idiot picks Adam Vinatieri exactly eight rounds too early. I can’t remember if I’m doing NFC East analysis or writing a spiteful email to multiple members of the Washington franchise. In any event, unless Jason Campbell’s development isn’t over, and he can make some major steps, the most racist team name in the NFL will finish up at just about .500.

4. New York Giants (10-6) 7-9

With all due respect to the 2008 NFL Champions (I just threw up in my mouth), losing four key defensive players including future Hall of Famer Michael Strahan does not bode well for making a case for repeating. The recent departure of Jeremy Shockey for nothing but draft picks (say what you like about the guy, but he can play) does not help them either. A Super Bowl hangover (Threw up in my mouth again), as well as a quarterback who for all but one remarkable playoff run has been little more than wildly unpredictable can’t win it again, can they? For the Giants to have a shot this season, David Tyree needs to find about 10-12 more miracle catches in him… per game. I just threw up again, couldn’t hold it in my mouth that time.

NFC North

1. Minnesota Vikings (8-8) 12-4

The Vikings addressed two major concerns during the off season: Wide receiver and pass-rushing defensive line help. Adding Bernard Berrian gives them a deep threat with good hands who can take pressure off Adrian Peterson, and is fast enough to adjust routes so that Tavaris Jackson has a go-to guy to rely on if he is in trouble (at last). Although Sidney Rice put up a good fight last season and will continue to improve this year, this was a great, and absolutely necessary signing for the Vikes.

Minnesota had a pitiful passing defense last season, due in large part to a defensive line that could stop almost any rushing attack, but couldn’t hurry Drew Bledsoe strapped to a snowboard. In terms of interceptions, Minnesota ranked somewhere behind 4-12 Atlanta and atop 1-15 Miami. Trading for Jared Allen immediately solves this problem, adding arguably the best pass-rushing defensive end in the game (By the way, I understand teams need to clear space, get younger, etc. But, how in the world did this trade get done? He led the league in sacks and he’s 26!). This will take pressure off the defensive backs and allow them to take more chances, biting on hurried throws. If teams received grades for off season moves and how they’ll help their chances for the upcoming season, Minnesota would be the kid in your chemistry class everyone hates because his 105% test score prevented the entire rest of the class from receiving scaled grades.

2. Green Bay Packers (13-3) 10-6

The only thing that seems to be absolutely true about this Brett Favre situation is that it is Aaron Rodgers’ time. Donald Driver, Greg Jennings (enjoying his last few weeks of being underrated), James Jones and Donald Lee are a great receiving corps, and they deserve a quarterback who will learn and adapt to them, instead of stubbornly sticking to his time-tested gunslinging ways. And, by time-tested, of course I mean he’s been doing it so long he now leads the history of the NFL in passing the ball to guys wearing different jerseys. Green Bay is a very talented, young team, that would benefit most from having a quarterback to grow with its system, as opposed to one that gives a tearful retirement speech at the end of each season, only to come back demanding to be a starter a few months later.

Look, I love Brett Favre as much as the next guy. I truly believe his consecutive starts record may be the greatest (if not, certainly top three) record in all of sports. But, it’s time for the Pack to make a true attempt at a youth movement, rebuilding, young guns campaign, whatever you want to call it. This team could grow and mesh together for the next half-dozen years (with the exception of the aging Driver), with a first-round pick at quarterback who is willing to adapt his style of play to what is needed from him. In the meantime, Green Bay could likely pick up some extra defensive help or a draft pick by dealing the future Hall of Famer to the hated Bears. This may be the most obvious, logical trade that will never happen in the history of football, but it’s still fun to think about. Favre in a Bears uniform, coming to Lambeau in a snowstorm leading the Bad News Bears against an Aaron Rodgers-led Pack? Now that is sports drama at its finest!

3. Detroit Lions (7-9) 8-8

For all the heat Matt Millen has rightfully received for his atrocities committed as Detroit’s GM, the last few years have been very good drafts for the Lions. Starting in 2006, the Lions have picked up studs in Ernie Sims and Calvin Johnson, as well as making improvements on their offensive line and defensive backfield. In addition, they selected quarterback Drew Stanton out of Michigan State in 2007 to take the reigns of the team when the time comes. By the way, if anyone from the Lions’ front office is reading this: That time is now. Jon “When I throw a touchdown, it’s because of God, when I throw 20+ interceptions, it’s just a game” Kitna’s time in the driver’s seat has come to an ugly close. With young, talented players on a team that just may be starting to come around, they, like the Packers, deserve a young quarterback to gel with their style of play.

And for God’s sake, keep God out of sports from now on, huh? Whatever someone’s religious beliefs are, isn’t it a little far-fetched to think that he has money riding on a sports game of any sort, or is even paying attention? This scenario would be a little far-fetched as a joke on Family Guy, never mind as an integral part of Jon Kitna’s post-game press conferences.

4. Chicago Bears (7-9) 4-12

I am not entirely sure I can write a prediction for the Chicago Bears until I’m informed that they’re completely aware that they did not draft a franchise quarterback in this year’s draft. Not only did they not draft an early round signal caller, but they neglected to choose one during the entire span of all seven rounds! Almost no one drafted after round four truly pans out phenomenally anyway, so why not take a chance? At the very least, add another young gun to put some pressure on the guys at the helm now? You’re going into this season with a championship caliber defense and the league’s best kick return specialist, and you plan to entertain a quarterback controversy involving Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman? Really? While you’re at it, why not throw Devin Hester into the mix as well? You are (I’m writing this to Bears’ management, apparently) already asking him to return kicks, play corner and catch passes, why not have him throw them as well?

See, the funny part is, you can’t argue against it. He’s a tremendous athlete, and it makes no less sense than pitting Orton and Grossman against each other for the rights to run this team into the ground all year. You haven’t thought of a legitimate argument against it yet, have you? Didn’t think so.

NFC South

1. New Orleans (7-9) 10-6

Trading with New England to move up and grab Sedrick Ellis was a stroke of genius for the Saints. Ellis will be able to step right in and contribute in a defensive line whose best players last year were Charles Grant and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. In addition to solidifying a defense that was 13th against the rush and 19th against the pass, Ellis should take some of the focus away from Will Smith, allowing him to rush quarterbacks like he was built to. In turn, this should help take some pressure off of their defensive backfield, which ranked 30th among NFL teams last season.

As long as Drew Brees starts off this season better than his terrible start to 2007 (1 TD, 9 Int, 232 PYPG in the first four games), this team’s explosive offense will run rampant over any team. If Ellis and second round pick Tracy Porter (a small, fast cornerback that needs work, but has good instincts and ball skills) can contribute enough to keep their opponents from outscoring the lethal combination of Brees, Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister, Marques Colston and Robert Meachem, this team should be able to easily secure the weakest division in the league.

2. Tampa Bay (9-7) 8-8

I’m not a professional odds maker by any means, but I would venture a guess that there is an 87% chance the Tampa Bay Buccaneers won this division last season despite their best efforts to the contrary. Their star running back blew out his knee in week four, and Earnest Graham increased his career rushing yardage by more than four times in his stead, yet the team still lacked a 1,000 yard rusher. Tampa Bay’s defense will always keep them competitive, and Jeff Garcia may in fact be the real deal at quarterback, but Joey Galloway is another year older, Cadillac Williams is coming back (possibly) from a devastating knee injury and the offensive line allowed 36 sacks. If this division simply gets a little bit better, Tampa Bay won’t compete the same as before.

3. Carolina (7-9) 6-10

Prediction - Carolina will have an insanely overrated defensive line, Jake Delhomme will alternate games of 400 passing yards and 4 touchdowns with 185 yards with 4 touchdowns. Steve Smith will receive quadruple coverage on every play because the Panthers again refused to address their lack of a second wide receiver, instead drafting another running back, Jonathan Stewart, to join 2006 first round pick DeAngelo Williams in the backfield. The super-talented Williams will now have to split time again, while Carolina simply forgot to get a receiver to draw coverage, or an offensive lineman to open holes for him and Stewart.

This is eerily similar to Matt Millen of the Lions drafting wide receivers in the first round for three consecutive years, although no TV or radio analysts seems to think it’s a terrible idea to keep upgrading the running game and nothing else. Mind-boggling. Has a team ever had two running backs rush for over 1,000 yards a piece, with the team failing to reach 6 wins? We may just witness it this season.

4. Atlanta (4-12) 5-11

In the midst of a complete character overhaul, the Falcons officially ended the Michael Vick era by selecting quarterback Matt Ryan out of Boston College. This will be a rebuilding year for Atlanta, but one that could be fun to watch. Lifetime backup to future Hall of Famer Ladainian Tomlinson, Michael Turner will finally get to fill a starting role for a team. He’s got a chip on his shoulder, something to prove, and cliches to add to this sentence this season. I, for one, can’t wait to draft him in the same round someone reaches for Minnesota’s defense.

Which, by the way, begs this tangential question: Why is Minnesota’s defense being drafted before any other team’s in this years’ fantasy drafts? What is going on here? The team was dead last against the pass last season. Dead last! They did add Jared Allen, but should a team who ranked last in anything in the previous season be ranked first overall? Defenses like San Diego and New England are much more reliable than a team that gave up a combined 635 passing yards to Brian Griese and Todd Collins. Look at what I just wrote. Look at it! It’s not a lie! I did research on this one! I can’t stop yelling about this!

NFC West

1. St. Louis (3-13) 10-6

This is officially my shocking prediction for 2008. After responding to my speculative NFC title last season with a 3-13 campaign, I’m sure I’ve got it right this time. The Rams were without All-World left tackle Orlando Pace for all of last year, and despite playing in 12 games each, Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson fought through numerous injuries of their own for the entirety of the regular season. Other Rams missing significant time include starting linebackers Leonard Little and Pisa Tinoisamoa, starting cornerback Tye Hill, starting right guard Richie Incognito and kick returner/wide receiver Dante Hall. Not to mention reserve offensive linemen Adam Goldberg and Mark Setterstrom (pushing the percentage of offensive linemen on the entire team on Injured Reserve up to approximately 75%), as well as second string and nickel package safety Jerome Carter.

Long story slightly shorter: Injuries met the Rams in St. Louis last year, and they hit them harder than any other team in the NFL. However, an otherwise very talented team was able to pick up the second pick in the draft because of it, which they used to select highly touted defensive end Chris Long out of Virginia. Now, assuming health, the Rams will add a vicious run-stopping, pass-rushing hybrid in the Richard Seymour mold to mirror stud defensive end Leonard Little on the other end.

With Bulger, Jackson and Torry Holt coming together again, it’s hard to imagine the team won’t be back above .500 this season. And, in a weak division, it just may be enough to take the whole thing. Hopefully I’ve made my point clear in this prediction: It was health’s fault, not mine. I did not jinx the Rams and it was not a bad prediction! At least, that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself.

2. Seattle (10-6) 9-7

Seattle finally made a tough-but-wise decision, moving on from secretly terrible running back Shaun Alexander, handing the reigns over to 27-year-old ex-Cowboy Julius Jones. Because Alexander scored a then-record 28 touchdowns in 2005, it was easy for many people to overlook the fact that he caught less than one pass per game, and was frequently a liability in the backfield in pass protection. Over the last two years, the holes in his game became more apparent and problematic, injuries started to mount and about 90% of his fantasy owners had to be put on suicide watch by the first two games of the 2008 season.

Seattle appears poised for another unspectacular season, with very good players on both sides of the ball, but no one headed for the Hall of Fame, or even this year’s Pro-Bowl. In this division, however, it could mean another (very short) trip to the playoffs.

3. Arizona (8-8) 9-7

The Cardinals have quite a predicament on their hands: Go with experience in the form of Kurt Warner, or upside and youthful energy in Matt Leinart. At this point, however, it’s hard to tell who is the better choice. Warner is getting older, and seems to always put three or four good starts together before inevitably imploding with destructive results. Leinart, on the other hand, has more upside, a great college resume, and the looks and charms of a Bradyesque face-of-the-franchise. Of course, with Leinart there is always the distinct possibility he will break out a bottle of Veuve Clicquot during a timeout and attempt to reach 3rd base with the opposing team’s cheerleaders. Personally, I think Door #2 is A.) infinitely more entertaining, and B.) what the Cardinal fans want to see. When your home team chooses a quarterback in the 1st round, especially in the top 10, especially two years removed from a Heisman trophy, you don’t want to see that talent holding a clipboard and wearing a headset three years later while Kurt Warner brings his team to the brink of the hump, but never over. Matt’s time is now, and the Cardinal fans deserve to see how far he can take this team chock full of young talent.

4. San Francisco (5-11) 6-10

After trading up in 2007 for their 4th round pick, as well as their 2008 first rounder to select Joe Staley toward the end of the first round, San Francisco was rumored to have not stopped kicking themselves until the 8th pick in the second round (39th overall) of the 2008 draft. That selection was used on Chilo Rachal, the best remaining offensive lineman on their board (which, since only eight had been picked previously, is not too bad). However, while the 49ers fortified their offensive line, the Patriots used the 4th round pick from San Fran to pick up a wide receiver named Randy Moss, who, just by chance, set an NFL record by scoring 23 receiving touchdowns. The Pats also picked up a great middle linebacker prospect in Jerod Mayo with what turned out to be the 7th pick overall in the 2008 draft. If San Francisco had still had their pick, offensive tackle Ryan Clady (among other highly rated prospects) were still available for them. Whoops.

As for 2008, the 49ers have one major question that is above all their other worries: Improved play from the quarterback position. Patrick Willis and Manny Lawson (back from a devastating knee injury that cost him all but two games in 2007) will be the linebacking stars, and foundation of a defense that has improved each of the last few seasons. With a reportedly slimmer, faster Frank Gore, a younger, stronger, meaner offensive line, and a healthy super-talent Vernon Davis, the offense will also carry its weight. The X Factor in all of this is the quarterback. Nothing hinders team chemistry quite like a preseason slugfest for the starting QB job. Until this team plays consistently well together with above-average quarterback play, I don’t see them getting out of the basement of the NFC West.

Wild Card Weekend

Green Bay def. Philadelphia

New Orleans def. St. Louis

2nd Round

Dallas def. Green Bay

Minnesota def. New Orleans

NFC Championship

Dallas def. Minnesota

Super Bowl

New England def. Dallas

MVP

Steven Jackson

Rookie of the Year

Darren McFadden

We are in the midst of the all-star break in baseball, and that can mean only one thing: The Pre-Preseason NFL Preview! In Part I, we will break down the divisions in the AFC team by team, how they’ve improved, how they’ve gotten worse, and where they’ll finish in the end. And a warning to New York fans: I’m still angry… so don’t expect objectivity. Now, on with the preview. Last year’s finish in parentheses, projected finish listed afterward in bold.

AFC EAST

1. New England Patriots (16-0) 13-3

While some key defensive players are aging another year, this team still has Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Laurence Maroney, Benjamin Watson, a Pro-Bowl studded offensive line and some guy named Tom Brady who threw 50 touchdown passes in last year’s regular season. As with most teams, the success of the Patriots will hinge almost exclusively on player health. As in, if these players stay healthy, I wouldn’t be surprised for the 2008 Patriots to be the second team to go 16-0 during the regular season. Using their early draft picks to select young talent at their two main areas of need (linebacker and cornerback), the Pats have added depth where they absolutely needed it. Jerod Mayo was a fantastic pick for the Patriots who will fit in perfectly in the middle with Tedy Bruschi. With Mike Vrabel and Adalius Thomas deperately wanting to be at their natural outside positions, having someone as athletic and smart to fly around the middle of the field as Mayo will improve the team’s defense dramatically right off the bat. With Vrabel, Thomas, Jarvis Green, Ty Warren and Richard Seymour rushing on almost every play, the Kraft family (principal owners of the Patriots) may want to invest in a few extra stretchers this year to cart off all the opposing quarterbacks that are sure to fall victim to this daunting pass rush.

Even after choosing to make the most important game of the year their only loss last season the Patriots again look unstoppable. The only things that will be able to hinder them this year will be injuries and Bill Belichick wearing red hooded sweatshirts. Or, refusing to challenge obvious fumble recoveries. Or, refusing to resort to more screen passes under heavy pass rushes which made them so successful the past six years. I just gave myself a migraine.

2. New York Jets (4-12) 10-6

Out of all the teams engaged in trade talks and signings this off-season, the Jets may have done the most of anyone to improve their chances for 2008. Some of these signings include ex-Patriot and Lion offensive tackle Damien Woody, seven-time pro-bowl guard Alan Faneca, defensive end/outside linebacker Calvin Pace, and running back/kick returner Jesse Chatman. In addition, the Jets drafted the absolute rock star in this year’s draft in Vernon Gholston. Every year there are one or two players that rocket up a half a dozen draft spots because of a great workout turned in at the combine, and Gholston is a prime example. After bench pressing more than many offensive linemen, and turning in great vertical leap and 40-yard dash time, Gholston jumped up from a borderline top-10 pick to having his name floated around for number one overall. He ended up falling to number six, where the Jets were happy to scoop him up.

However, even with all these improvements, they’re still the team that lost 12 games last season. If Laveranues Coles, Jerricho Cotchery and Thomas Jones can gel together and stay healthy, the team will be a tough matchup for most squads, but the Jets face a more serious question: The third year success/failure deadline.

There is a prevailing theory in the world of NFL analysts that the third year is the year a draft pick must start contributing, or start packing. The draft class this season on the chopping block is 2006, and the Jets have three crucial members on their starting squad: D’Brickashaw (Thanks, Mom) Ferguson, Nick Mangold, and Kellen Clemens. So far in their short careers, Ferguson and Mangold have been about as consistent as Kevin Costner’s career, with Clemens simply not having enough playing time due to Jets’ management insisting on starting a quarterback with the throwing arm of Johnny Damon. This season, we will be able to see whether the Jets are headed for a true shot at being great, or years of futility and frustration.

3. Buffalo Bills (7-9) 9-7

These Bills were one of the big surprises of the 2007-2008 season. Rookie Marshawn Lynch proved he has the stuff to be a top-flight back in the NFL, and Trent Edwards took the starting job away from J.P. Losman by sheer force. The Bills should get off to a better start without having a quarterback controversy to deal with, but some aging stars need to stay healthy. Marcus Stroud and Schobel will be a force together on the defensive line, and Terrence McGee is always dangerous in the defensive backfield as well as in the return game. However, should any of these players go down for any period of time (Like McGee last year), the Bills lack depth to back them up. And that, my friends, is an understatement.

The Bills did, however, select my favorite name in the 2008 draft: Leodis McKelvin. This name was a whole lot better when I first heard it, and thought it was “Leonidis,” which led to weeks of me wishing for the Patriots to draft “King Leonidis” as well as me re-watching “300″ about 12 times on HBO. After learning the real pronunciation, I chose to keep calling him Leonidis anyway… and can you blame me? This highly skilled D-back should be a great compliment to McGee and help soften the blow of losing Nate Clements before last season. Also, he’ll be great to have around should Persia try to invade at any time. Fine! I’ll cut it out…

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4. Miami dolphins (1-15) 6-10

Good news, Dolphins fans, your team is going to win five more games than it did last year! Unfortunately, that still puts them four games below .500. With the energy new management (not to mention the fear of under-performing for a Parcells-run team), first overall pick Jake Long at left tackle, and a healthy Ronnie Brown will bring, the team will be a lot more resistant to getting run over this season, but they’ll still be run over. Look for Jason Taylor to be traded in the beginning of the season, with the Dolphins collecting another first round pick to build up a super-talented young team for the upcoming decade. As it stands right now, Jason Taylor reminds me of Al Pacino in “Two for the Money.” At some point he may just look around at his co-stars (tell me Ricky Williams and Matthew McConaughey aren’t a great comparison, I dare you), and say: “What? What the hell am I doing here? Where is my agent so I can fire him?!”

After they trade off the rest of their veterans, they should have a great core of players for Bill Parcells to build upon. Also, there’s a relatively good chance they will inexplicably beat Tom Brady and the Patriots for absolutely no reason in an important game in December. So, they have that going for them too.

AFC NORTH

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) 11-5

Pittsburgh suffered from some pretty substantial injuries last season, most notably to Troy Polamalu, the owner of the largest Samoan afro in human history. Pittsburgh is famous for putting an above-average defensive and running squad on the field, and coach Mike Tomlin takes pride in continuing that tradition. With the emergence of Santonio Holmes as a deep threat, Hines Ward doing his usual damage and bruising rookie running back Rashard Mendenhall making sure the Steelers can actually run into the end zone this year (”Fast” Willie Parker crossed the goal line only twice last season, despite racking up over 1,300 yards), the Steel City could have a very formidable offensive group. The loss of Alan Faneca will hurt them in the running game and in pass protection, but Ben Roethlisberger can avoid pass rushers as well as almost anyone in the league, despite the fact it looks like the Milwaukee Brewers sausage race when a big defender is racing after the 6′5″, 240lb. quarterback.

2. Cleveland Browns (10-6) 9-7

Although the Cleveland Browns compiled 10 wins last season with one of the most explosive offenses in the game, I simply can’t see them repeating that performance. Their defense was alarmingly sub-par all season, but they always seemed to just outscore their opponents. They even hung in offensively against the historically great New England offense, which almost no other team could say last year. With the addition of Donte Stallworth to a receiving corps that already includes Kellen Winslow Jr. (82 catches, 1106 yards, 5 scores, and a two-point conversion to boot), and Braylon Edwards (80 catches, 1289 yards, and 16 touchdowns), who caught more touchdown passes than anyone in the league not named Randy Moss, they’ll be just as incredibly dangerous (if not more so) through the air. The trade for Shaun Rogers will help their defense control the run a little better, but without any 1-3rd round picks this year to improve their defensive depth, they won’t have what it takes to make it over the hump.

That said, don’t ever, ever bet against this team when a spread is involved. Until the playoffs begin and defense really starts to take over games, this team really does have the ability to outscore any opponent. If physical appearance were offense, and brains were defense, the browns would be Jessica Simpson. An absolute joy to watch, but not one you want to trust your money with.

3. Cincinnati Bengals (7-9) 7-9

The Cincinnati Bengals, in an attempt to correct what has going so badly wrong with their team for the past few years, made one of the smartest draft choices in April. They chose Keith Rivers to be the centerpiece of their defense, hopefully for the next 7 or 8 years. Rivers is a great character guy, a smart ballplayer and extremely talented. The former USC star will provide leadership and solid defense at middle linebacker to a team which had so much legal trouble in the past few years you would think Burt Reynolds would be playing quarterback and their pre-season games would be played against prison guards.

The unfortunate thing about the Bengals is they have so many quality players that they are an absolute joy to watch. Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh are arguably two of the top six or seven receivers in the league, and they are catching passes from arguably the third-best quarterback in the NFL. Rudi Johnson and Kenny Watson combine bruising, power running with quick, darting dashing to rack up a ton of yardage each year. If they can only turn this offensive talent and new defensive potential into some victories, they could be even more fun to watch. Also, it’s also always fun to take wagers on who will be the first player on the team to get in legal trouble. Now that Chris Henry and Odell Thurman are off the team, it makes the question that much harder. If Chad Johnson, one of the nicest guys in the league despite his humorous but sometimes annoying showmanship, shows up to camp and falls in line, this will be a decent team again, but not a serious threat to anyone.

4. Baltimore Ravens (5-11) 4-12

This team is the most baffling team, by far, in the NFL today. The only reasons I see that Kyle Boller is starting over Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith is that he is three inches taller, and he can throw the ball through the goalposts from the 50 yard line on his knees. The man with the 71.9 lifetime QB rating will start the season under center for Baltimore, at least until they lose their first 6 games to open the season. Their defense is experienced, to say it nicely, and very tough to beat. However, the defense can’t score points on a nightly basis, and certainly not enough for an offense that’s completely incapable of scoring in any manner.

So why not give Troy Smith a shot? This prevailing thought that he’s too small to play football doesn’t hold any water with me. Until he holds some sort of record for being the smallest quarterback ever to start a game, he’s not “too small.” Let him stand behind that bruising offensive line, use his quickness to get outside the pocket and actually make some plays happen. That’s what he’s good at, and that’s what he could bring to the Ravens table. At the very least, wouldn’t this be more fun to watch than Kyle Boller finding new ways to turn the ball over every single sunday afternoon? If there is one NFL team I’m glad I’m not a fan of, it would be the Baltimore Ravens. No offense.

AFC SOUTH

1. Indianapolis Colts (13-3) 12-4

The Colts once again are scary-good and poised to take their sixth straight division title. Their defensive backfield is a young and talented group of ballhawks. Peyton Manning, Joseph Addai, Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark are the most explosive offense outside of New England. The run defense, after being historically bad in 2006, shored up in the playoffs that year, resulting in a championship. They continued that pattern with their new-look defensive line throughout last year, fielding one of the better defenses in the league. The only questions for this team seem to be a perennially overrated offensive line, a small and questionable linebacking corps, and health and legal concerns with Marvin Harrison. Harrison suffered a severe knee injury last season that drove his fantasy owners to the brink of murder/suicide after the team listed him as probable for most of the season. At his age, knee injuries aren’t the type of thing that guys can bounce back from and have the exact same ability to run and cut the way he is used to. In addition, an investigation is still ongoing in which a gun owned by Marvin Harrison was used in the killing of a man after an incident at a night club. These types of issues don’t go away easily. They will likely go away much easier than the Spygate stories, however.

This seems as good a time as any to explain how in the past two NFL seasons, my worst nightmares have been realized. In back-to-back seasons, the Manning-led Colts and Giants have ended the Patriots’ Super Bowl dreams. One in a historic AFC Championship comeback, the other in a come-from-behind victory in a Super Bowl that the Patriots (18-0 at the time) never, ever should have lost. Thank God for the Red Sox and Celtics, or I’d still be curled in the fetal position in the 2′ x 2′ area between my bed and the wall, muttering to myself about red hooded sweatshirts and terrible coverage calls in goal line situations. The only way my football life gets worse from this point is if I come home from work in the middle of the day to find my girlfriend of 6 1/2 years facing naked double-coverage from Eli and Peyton Manning in the bedroom. Have you ever thrown up in your mouth while having a stroke? Because I just did.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars (12-4) 12-4

This seems as good a time as any to mention that Maurice Jones-Drew may just be my favorite non-Patriot player in the league. He’s a deeply tanned, dreadlocked Verne Troyer who can level linebackers twice his size and has one of the most humiliating post-touchdown dances ever. On the unintentional comedy scale, that ranks an absurd 12 out of 10.

The loss of Marcus Stroud will hurt, but the Jaguars tried to compensate by drafting two defensive ends in the first two rounds, including stud junior Derrick Harvey out of UF. The running game will be dominant yet again, and David Garrard has evolved into a very effective, efficient quarterback. Rashean Mathis will have his usual underrated year, and Troy Williamson should provide them with a potential big-play receiver they’ve lacked for the past few years. Getting Mike Peterson back should ease some of the pressure created by Stroud’s departure, so things are looking pretty good for the residents of Jacksonville Municipal Stadium.

3. Houston Texans (8-8) 11-5

The Texans have had a few very good draft picks in a row, with Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans coming out of the ‘06 draft, and Amobi Okoye looking very promising, despite being the youngest player ever drafted out of college at only 19 years old. With a healthy Andre Johnson continuing his rise to the absolute top tier of wide receivers in the game, Schaub & Co. should be able to make plenty of noise in the toughest division in the game.

The Achilles heel of this team is its running game. Darius Walker and Ron Dayne do not a running game make. Ron Dayne is now 30 years old and weighs approximately 358 lbs. Ahman Green is 31 and likely couldn’t run a 40 before mini-camp begins. Chris Brown, Darius Walker, and rookie Steve Slaton will probably battle through the pre-season for a chance to platoon with another sub-par back in this awful situation. If anyone on this team rushes for more than 1,000 yards it will not only be amazing, they may be my pick to get to the AFC championship.
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4. Tennessee Titans (4-12) 5-11

If the 2006 NFL draft were to be done over tomorrow, where would Vince Young go? This question has been asked numerous times, but mostly in the context of “Who would go 1, 2 or 3?” between Reggie Bush, Mario Williams and him. However, now that this draft class has matured for a couple of years, there are many more players that should be involved in the discussion. After choosing Mario Williams first overall, surprising many experts and fans by passing on Bush, Williams responded with a great season last year, and is looking more promising with every game. Then, in round two, Houston also selected DeMeco Ryans, an absolute beast at linebacker who would not slip past the top five if the draft were redone.

So who would go before Vince Young if all the NFL teams had a mulligan? Let’s take a look at just some of the names that went after Vince Young at #3: A.J. Hawk, Vernon Davis, Ernie Sims, Matt Leinart, Jay Cutler, Antonio Cromartie, Laurence Maroney, Santonio Holmes, Joseph Addai, Ryans, Rocky McIntosh, Marcus McNeill, Greg Jennings, Devin Hester, Maurice Jones-Drew, and last but not least, Marques “Three Picks From Last” Colston. At this point, is Vince Young out-performing anyone on that list? This doesn’t even include the names of some offensive linemen who are probably submitting high quality performances of their own. Would Young even be a first-rounder? The guy threw almost twice as many interceptions as touchdowns last season, and led a team with a high-powered defense to four total victories.

Vince Young, for his career, has a quarterback rating of 69.0. He has thrown 21 touchdowns and 30 interceptions. If he doesn’t make a giant step in his progress this season, it may be time to start developing a plan B, while most of the team is still young.

AFC WEST

1. San Diego Chargers (11-5) 11-5

Ah, the model of NFL inconsistency. After beginning last season 5-5 including blowouts at the hands of the Patriots, Chiefs and Broncos, they finished on a 6-0 run, and a tremendous amount of momentum heading into the playoffs. So, what do they do to celebrate? With seemingly every offensive player injured, they lost to the 17-0 Patriots. So far, the Norv Turner era has produced two playoff victories, two more than Marty Schottenheimer brought them in four seasons. However, that still doesn’t make it appropriate to hire Norv Turner for any position, ever.

This season will again be wildly unpredictable, with Philip Rivers trying to find his way, Ladainian Tomlinson rushing for 170,000 yards and 80 scores, Shawne Merriman continuing the worst post-sack dance tradition in the history of post-sack dances, and Norv Turner glancing across the sideline all season looking like someone just stole his lunch money. Actually, I suppose it is pretty predictable. You’ve gotta love this team. Or hate them. You know what? Forget I said anything about them.

2. Denver Broncos (7-9) 8-8

Even as I write this, I think I’m overrating the Denver Broncos. They have enormous home-field advantage and a perennially superb running game (Sometimes despite not having anyone to run the ball). Jay Cutler is a truly talented quarterback, and Brandon Marshall will be a top-10 wide receiver sooner rather than later. Can I find another reason to put them at .500? I don’t think so. The Broncos did make a great move by scooping up Ryan Clady in this year’s draft; an offensive lineman whose name was floated around as possibly going as high as #3.

3. Oakland Raiders (4-12) 8-8

After the Jets, the Oakland Raiders likely did the most to improve their team following the 2007-2008 season. The additions of Javon Walker (Assuming he fully recovers from his Las Vegas mugging), DeAngelo Hall, Gibril Wilson and draft pick Darren McFadden is sure to improve this team’s current dismal standing. If head coach Lane Kiffin can fight the urge to start Andrew Walter or Marques Tuisasos… so.. poso… the other quarterback, the Raiders could benefit from improved offensive chemistry. Having JaMarcus Russell, Ronald Curry, Javon Walker, Drew Carter, Justin Fargas and Darren McFadden for a full season would be an enviable position for almost any offensive coordinator in the NFL. However, if their run defense doesn’t improve, they’re in loads of trouble still.

The Raiders are a much improved franchise on paper. The added depth in the defensive backfield and at wide receiver. Assuming Russell takes the reigns this season, there will be no ridiculous quarterback controversy between a #1 overall draft pick and Andrew Walter, who wouldn’t be recognized out of his Raider uniform by his own cousin. However, their atrocious rush defense from last season lingers, as does the lack of enough offensive lineman to keep out divisional rush specialists Shawne Merriman, Shaun Phillips, Elvis Dumervil, Tamba Hali or Glen Dorsey. This team may just be exciting enough to watch, but even in this iffy division, will not make it above .500. All apologies to the most psychotic fans in the game.

4. Kansas City Chiefs (4-12) 7-9

Wait, Herm Edwards hasn’t been fired yet? Really? That can’t be right…

One of the most ridiculous universal sentiments following the 2008 draft was the amazing job Kansas City did to improve their team. They traded their best defensive lineman (And NFL sack leader) for the fourth pick in the draft, then used that pick to improve their defensive line. Your head spinning yet? Mine was for nearly a month. The most recent example of such backwards draft strategy happened in 2007, when Miami, having traded Wes Welker for a second round pick, subsequently used their first round pick to replace him with Ted Ginn, Jr. Shortly after, Welker proved to be one of the more talented receivers and kick returners in the league, driving the dagger farther into the Dolphins’ collective heart more and more with each league-leading reception. Also, I don’t see how making common sense draft picks makes you the “Winner of the NFL Draft,” anyway. Every expert listed Kansas City among the best drafting teams, but wasn’t this clearly because they had the best picks? The Chiefs had two first round picks, one of just a few teams with such luck. Once thought to be the best prospect in this draft class, Glen Dorsey fell to them at number four. Then, they filled a very glaring and serious need at offensive line at number 15 with Branden Albert, by all accounts an animal at offensive guard who will help Larry Johnson get downfield like he has in years past. It was as if Kansas City won the lottery with Dorsey, then instead of getting greedy with the money, they were responsible and paid off their debts first, with Albert. Is this truly a genius draft strategy and something to be applauded? Have so many teams screwed up their drafts so badly that simple logic and common sense is now regarded as being the winner of the draft?
A healthy Larry Johnson and an improved offensive line will help them get better, but until they get more players resembling defenders than the reanimated corpses of Ty Law and Donnie Edwards, Derrick Johnson and Glen Dorsey, they will continue to wallow in mediocrity in one of the weakest divisions in the NFL.

And… You’re really serious about Herm Edwards, huh? Still has a job? Incredible…

Predictions

Division Winners: New England, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, San Diego

Wild Card Teams: Jacksonville Jaguars, Houston Texans

Final Four: New England, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Houston

AFC Championship: New England over Houston
So there you have it, all you need to know about the upcoming AFC season! Look to Part 2: NFC coming this weekend.